Discovering the divinity of inspiration

Why was I determined to stay in a situation that caused me so much pain? Had I really become that afraid to trust in God’s plan for my life? The answer, of course, was yes.

For nearly 10 years, I have been working towards one tangible goal – to become a professional writer. A female modern-day Fitzgerald.

In my 20s, I had aspirations to live grandly and write about the decay of the extravagance that surrounded me. I dreamt of working poetically yet lucratively, paying the bills and having a little extra on the side to travel the world as the spirit moved me.

Now almost 32 years old, I have seen many of my dreams come true. I’ve spent time abroad, seen my work published and even had a job that provided health insurance for a little while in exchange for my prowess with the pen. But with all of this experience behind me, I am not where I imagined I would be at this point in my life. And I’m not quite sure where I’m headed in the future.

I recently parted ways with an occupation that made me question my abilities, my choices and the ultimate direction my life would take. In pursuit of stability, I instead found insecurity and, well, boredom. I was working tirelessly to tailor my work to the expectations of people who could not be pleased. And I did my very best to ignore my own discomfort, choosing instead to wake up every day and work for people whose lack of respect for me and my work made it difficult for me to respect myself.

Why was I determined to stay in a situation that caused me so much pain? Had I really become that afraid to trust in God’s plan for my life? The answer, of course, was yes.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to believe that my once luminous visions of a glamorous life were maybe just that. Visions, not reality. I’ve watched my mom battle a debilitating disease that I was diagnosed with, as well, and I’ve felt blessed to simply be able to walk. During the last few years, I’ve come to believe that moderate health is one of the few miracles I will witness in my life. And that’s okay. I’m married to the love of my life; I have a supportive, wonderful family; and I am about to be godmother to a precious baby girl.

So the fact that I was unhappy with my work was bearable. Right? I’ve dealt with the less than ideal circumstances for three years. What were 35 more? In my heart, I knew that rationale wasn’t good enough and was maybe even borderline sinful.

God has given us gifts and capabilities to serve one another and in doing so, to serve Him. And the work to which I’ve been devoting my energy as of late has not achieved either of these objectives.

I’ve been praying to Christ for answers about how to proceed with my future. Was I to stay and suffer through? Or could I take a leap of faith, try to find something else?

Christ answered my question for me, and four weeks ago I let go of a toxic environment that has tested my spiritual strength for years. I have been blessed with the opportunity to move on to a new chapter in my professional life, a chance to find an occupation that allows me to nurture my talents and actually enjoy the time I’ve been given in this world.

One of my favorite yoga teachers often says, “Can you think of any greater miracle than the fact that you’re alive right now?”

And my mental response has always been, “Yes, of course. The fact that I am looking forward to life eternal in the future.”

I believe that, and I rest all of my trust and faith in the age to come. But I’ve almost let that faith become an excuse to ignore the present, to not treasure it as the opportunity for salvation.

Christ asks that we find joy and peace as we journey through this broken world towards Him. With family, with friends and even with work – we are asked to be thankful for the relationships that have been bestowed upon us and are to use them to glorify God’s purpose for our lives. We are designed to be joyous, peaceful and trusting. It is when we try to do it all alone that we falter and fail.

And so that is officially my new occupation – to truly trust in Christ our God and rediscover the labor I once loved. In fact, it may be happening already.

“There are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are varieties of service, but the same Lord. There are many forms of work, but all of them, in all men, are the work of the same God. In each of us, the Spirit is manifested in one particular way, for some useful purpose.” – 1 Corinthians 12: 4-8

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Katy Mena is a professional writer based in Chattanooga, Tenn.…
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