Musings from a Grateful Convert: Christ’s Coming and a Conversation in Heaven

Musings from a Grateful Convert: Christ’s Coming and a Conversation in Heaven

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The following is an imagined excerpt from a recently unearthed ancient manuscript found somewhere in Mesopotamia. The original was probably written in Ancient Hebremaic and has been dated between 2 and 6,000 BC. The really curious feature of the manuscript is that it appears to be written in a format strangely resembling a 20th-Century radio drama. Please bear with the somewhat sketchy translation.

Conversation in Heaven

God: Hello, St. Michael!

Archangel Michael: Good morning, Sir. Oh, I forgot to congratulate you on the Cambrian Explosion. That was nifty; if there ever will be such a thing as universities, this will keep them busy for years.

 

God:  Yes, it will. But, there are “bigger deals yet to come.”

Archangel Michael: Uh, speaking of which, Sir, there’s been some scuttlebutt over at the fire-cooler about something You have planned.

 

God: O.K.,…such as?

Archangel Michael: [clears throat] Um, the word on the street is that You are going to—I know this sounds crazy—become a man and go down to earth.

 

God: That’s right…And?

Archangel Michael: [clears throat again] Well Sir, the word is that you’re not just going down to Earth, but You’re going to walk around and actually live with these people You created.

 

God: Yes, That’s right. I’m going to save them.

[pause]

Archangel Michael: OK, these are the people You created who willfully disobeyed and then ignored you, like, for centuries now. Isn’t that going to be a little frustrating?

 

God:Well, for one thing, I will make it so nobody suspects I am God until and unless they believe in Me. Anything else?

Archangel Michael: [clears throat one last time] Well yes, Sir. there is one other thing. Word has it that you are not only going to live among them and interact with them, but you are going to [beat] die for them.

 

God: Well, I’ve gotta get them back someway, and this is the Way.

Archangel Michael: You really want to “save” these people who have done basically nothing but disobey and make fun of you for freaking ever; plus, and I wan’t going to bring this up, but they have made life miserable for us in the Host. The Guardian squad is demanding hazardous duty pay.

 

God: I love them.

Archangel Michael: Right, but all sound logic and conventional wisdom militate for just getting rid of them all and starting over, maybe putting zebras in charge.

 

God: I love them. Please remember, I am love.

Archangel Michael: So You’re going to drop down out the sky on a chariot of fire and hang with humans.

 

God: Actually, I’m going to be born as a human among them.

[long pause]

Archangel Michael: Did you say “be born”? Pardon me, as I’m sure You’ve thought all this out like You always do, but how can you be born among a filthy, vile, sinful, and otherwise disrespectful population of beings?

 

God: You’re right. I’ve got this all planned out. I’ll be born of a teenage virgin who will remain a virgin after my birth. People who have trouble navigating my Plan can go ask my Mother for help. Believe it or not, I already know a maidservant named Mary who will be available if I can get her to go along with the idea.

Archangel Michael: Whoa! You’re going to be born of a virgin? Unmarried virgin?

 

God: Of course not. She’ll be in the state of betrothal.

Archangel Michael: This will prahhhhhhhhhbably generate a scandal, you know, a woman being pregnant out of wedlock.

 

God: Not to worry. I have just the man—Joseph. He can handle it.

Archangel Michael: Joseph, the old guy? With a young wife? Okay, another scandal.

 

God: My dear St. Michael, you got a problem with scandals? You ain’t seen nothing yet. For example, for people to be saved, they’ll need to eat my flesh and drink my blood.

Archangel Michael: Gotcha. People will cry, “Cannabalism!” Okay, when do we start?

 

God: Now. Get the guys on line—Raphael, Gabriel, the others—and have somebody get ready to go down and talk to Mary.

Archangel Michael: It’ll be Gabriel. Raphael is going to be tied up duke-ing it out with the Prince of Ethiopia.

 

…end of manuscript fragment.

 

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About author
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Roger Hunt

Born and raised in Indiana as the son of a doctor who was gifted in writing, Roger devoted most of his talents in the field of music as composser, arranger, and producer of both live and recorded music since the 70’s. He currently lives in Florida and continues to create music (and various music-and-sound-related productions) for OCN and others; and, having converted to the Orthodox Faith in 2010, he enjoys writing the blog series “Musings of a Grateful Convert” for The Sounding.