“Unsolicited Advice”

“Unsolicited Advice”


I’m going to make the bold claim that this may be the most important post I’ve ever written. So pay attention to it.

I have an unsolicited word of advice and it goes out to three categories of people. If you’re in a new relationship, if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, or if you ever think you might be in a relationship, heed this.

If you think or feel something about someone you care so deeply for that they define your soul, for the love of all that is holy, SAY IT TO THEM!!

If it is a positive thing, they are probably not picking it up from your hints, your body language, your unspoken actions. It’s nothing you’re doing wrong. They just have different motion detectors than you do. You’re giving off hints that *you* know how to read. They’re not getting the message.

And if it’s critical instead of positive, for God’s sake, grant them the decency to express their love for you and address it before it’s festered for so long that there’s no healthy flesh left. I’ve watched too many relationships erode in the past few years because people were scared of telling the truth about what they wanted or needed.

And, finally, for love’s sake, if they say something to you, and you don’t know why they’re saying it, ASK THEM! You have a right and a responsibility to hear each other, to speak and to be heard.

In the end, it might actually be all you have. And by then it might be too late to want to listen.

Take care of each other.

It’s my hope that this post will save one couple that’s worth saving. If it’s you, I don’t need to know it. I don’t need positive feedback. Just go set an example for a new generation and pass on the goodness.

Thank you.

About author

Jeff Holton

Jeff Holton likes to write (and read) about pretty much anything that piques his interest. These days, that especially includes Christianity, American history, social media, and space exploration.

He currently serves on Parish Council and teaches the high school class for his local parish, and he especially enjoys presenting the relevance of the faith and the astounding depth of the mysteries to his agape [pun intended] students.

He received a Master of Arts in Theology from Fuller Theological Seminary in 2004, presenting a thesis entitled Orthodox-Protestant Dialogue: An Analysis of a Subset of East-West Historical and Contemporary Interactions and a Justification for Orthodox Participation Therein. He continues to be driven by a strong, deep desire to see Christians of various identifications maintain positive dialogue with one another towards the eventual inclusion of all into the One, Holy, Catholic, Apostolic Church.

Holton is a Business Analyst for Cisco in San Jose, where he focuses on communications and training development for their third-party sales partners. He lives in Livermore, CA, and enjoys playing with his guitar and with his children, but not necessarily in that order. "Children are harder to tune," he says, "but the melodies are a little more interesting, unpredictable, and jazzy." Jeff has additional writings, photos, and info accessible from his website.