Then Peter came up and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven time, but seventy times seven.”
Matthew 18:21-22
Being a Christian is challenging. If being a Christian is not a challenge for someone, we might wonder what kind of Christian that person is, because for the person who is really striving to be a Christian, that effort is going to become a struggle and a challenge. Following the teachings of Jesus fully, and not selectively, will challenge even the most devout and well-intentioned Christian. And one of the greatest challenges of Christianity has to do with the subject of forgiveness.
To forgive does not mean that we forget. In fact, remembering our missteps hopefully keeps us from repeating them. What forgiveness means is that we stop talking about the wrong, we stop bringing it up and holding it over someone. We either move on in the relationship, or we move on from the relationship. However, whether the relationship continues or not, past transgressions aren’t continually brought up and talked about. Forgiveness also means that we don’t talk about sins someone has committed against us with other people. If we are talking about the transgressions of others, then we haven’t truly forgiven them.
No relationship works for any amount of time without forgiveness. It is impossible to have any relationship that is perfect, simply because we are not perfect. Someone is going to say or do something wrong in every relationship. Ironically, the closer the relationship, the greater the opportunity to do something wrong. Why? Because when we see someone all the time, we have so many more chances to say or do something wrong.
When I think about my ministry, and the number of things I’ve done wrong, the number of sins out there is astronomical. If I say something insensitive in a sermon, that could be a sin against 300 people in one moment. If I’ve committed even one sin against every member of the Prayer Team, that’s 5,000 sins. If I commit one sin against each of the 1,200 people in my congregation per year times the twenty years I’ve been here, that’s 24,000 sins. Then we get to close friends, and then to family, and the sins pile up. If there is no forgiveness, and if those sins are continually spoken about, none of us would have any reason for any hope. Every sin we commit is also a sin against God. While our total sins may be a lot towards each other, they are incalculable against God. We read in Psalm 130:3, “If Thou, O Lord, shouldst mark iniquities, Lord who could stand?” That is true with the Lord and also true with one another. The Psalmist also writes “For with the Lord there is steadfast love and with Him is plenteous redemption.” (Psalm 130:7) We would be wise to offer the same generosity when it comes to forgiving others.
It’s hard to know what is more difficult, to forgive someone who has done something really wrong, or to carry the weight of knowing one hasn’t truly been forgiven. This is an incentive to forgive. We should be motivated to loosen the burden of sin from someone else, because we hope that others will loosen the burden of sin someone else might hold over us. The weight of not being forgiven can truly be crippling. This is actually the thing I struggle with the most in my life and in my priesthood. It’s both the sorrow over sin I have done and the weight of carrying the sins that have not been forgiven. This is why I humbly ask for forgiveness, with a contrite heart, hoping for anything that might weigh down my relationship with you can be forgiven and lifted.
When restoration of a relationship is possible, which it usually is, with family, friends and co-workers, then forgiveness actually serves to bring people closer together. The words “forgive me” and “I forgive you” or “forgiven,” become almost as strong as “I love you.” One good analogy about forgiveness is two people holding a string between them. When someone sins, the string is cut. Forgiveness is when people tie the string together. However, if each person is holding onto the string with one hand, that leaves only one hand to tie the string together. Both people have to work at tying the string together. The resulting knot will lessen the distance between the two people. It will actually bring them closer together. And this is how forgiveness is supposed to work. It takes effort on the part of both people.
The biggest incentive to forgive comes from the prayer we offer most often, the Lord’s Prayer. We pray to the Lord “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” In other words, we are asking the Lord to forgive us in the same way we forgive one another. Wow, do we actually really mean that?! I hope the Lord will do a better job at forgiving me than how I’ve done forgiving others. I sure hope He isn’t going to bring up all my past sins when I stand before Him. And if this is my hope, then it stands to reason that I should do a better job at forgiving others.
Lord, I pray so often for You to forgive us our trespasses in the same way we forgive those who trespass against us. Help me to live out this prayer, to be generous with forgiveness and mercy towards one another, and for others to be generous with forgiveness and mercy towards me. When it is possible to reconcile a relationship, lead me down that path. And when it is not possible, help me not to hold animosity towards others, or to speak ill of them. Help me to trust that You are the judge of all. Most important, forgive me Lord for all the times I have sinned against You, for if You Lord were to keep track of all my sins, there is no way I could stand before You. Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner. Amen.
Forgiveness is like a form of art. It is delicate, fragile and sensitive. When it is done right and done well, it is a thing of beauty. Asking for forgiveness, offering forgiveness, and not speaking about the things that have been forgiven are challenges for every Christian.
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