By Fr. Michael Psaromatis
Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of Australia
In a time marked by deep social shifts and spiritual confusion, the Orthodox Christian understanding of marriage is often overlooked or misunderstood. Many young people today delay marriage, avoid it altogether, or enter relationships that exclude the Church. Others live together outside of marriage or marry without seeking sacramental blessing. Behind these choices is not simply cultural change, but a deeper spiritual disconnection. The sacred vision of marriage has been lost. The Church does not respond with scolding or shame. She responds with truth, patience, and compassion. She invites us to remember what marriage is. She calls us to recover the dignity of the home, and to rediscover the household as a place of salvation.
Marriage in the Orthodox Church is not a social contract or emotional partnership. It is one of the Church’s holy mysteries, a sacrament through which divine grace unites a man and a woman to each other and to Christ. The Apostle Paul writes, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31). He goes further and adds, “This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the Church” (Ephesians 5:32). Marriage is not merely companionship. It is an icon of the union between Christ and His Bride. It is a journey of sanctification through love, sacrifice, and shared struggle.
In the Orthodox wedding service, the couple makes no vows. Instead, they are crowned with crowns of martyrdom. These are symbols of the daily offering and death to self that true Christian love requires. Saint Symeon of Thessaloniki explains that the crowns signify the mutual surrender of each spouse for the sake of the other, and for the glory of God (Saint Symeon of Thessaloniki, On the Holy Mysteries). Our Lord taught, “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends” (John 15:13). In marriage, love is not measured by sentiment, but by willingness to serve and to endure. This love is not consumed with personal fulfilment. It is cruciform, shaped by the Cross and sustained by grace.
The spiritual purpose of marriage unfolds within the daily life of the home. Saint John Chrysostom taught that every Christian household is a “little Church” (Homily on Ephesians 20). This is not a poetic metaphor. It is a theological reality. The home becomes a sanctuary when prayer is offered, forgiveness is practised, meals are blessed, and Christ is remembered throughout the day. The domestic Church is where the Gospel is first heard, where repentance is first learned, and where virtues are tested and formed. It is in the home that children first encounter the love of God, not in abstract words, but in the actions of their parents. His Eminence Archbishop Makarios of Australia has said, “The Christian family is not merely a sentimental concept. It is a living icon of the Church. In it, the Gospel is made visible, and the presence of Christ becomes tangible” (Archbishop Makarios of Australia, Marriage: A Mystery of Love and Unity, 2022).
Creating a home that reflects Christ does not require perfection. It requires consistency and intention. A quiet prayer corner with an icon of Christ and the Theotokos, a candle lit at night, short prayers before meals or bed. These small acts slowly shape the atmosphere of the household. A family that pauses to read a few verses from the Scriptures in the evening, that celebrates saints’ days, that attends Liturgy together and keeps the fasts. Such a family is not performing religion, but living it. “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15).
The question of readiness for marriage is often misunderstood. In today’s culture, readiness is measured by financial security, emotional stability, or personal freedom. The Church offers a different lens. Readiness is about spiritual willingness. Are two people prepared to carry one another’s burdens, to forgive daily, and to build a shared life in Christ? Marriage is not the result of achieving maturity. It is the place where maturity grows. It is not a reward for success. It is a calling into sacrifice and love. “Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labour in vain” (Psalm 127:1).
The Orthodox Church teaches chastity not as repression, but as reverence. Purity before marriage is not about shame or denial. It is the consecration of love. Archbishop Makarios has beautifully expressed that, “Purity is not the rejection of love. It is the preparation of love to be offered in its fullness” (Archbishop Makarios of Australia, The Calling of Love, 2021). The Apostle Paul reminds us, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you?” (1 Corinthians 6:19). Waiting becomes a form of witness. It says that love is sacred and worth offering in its fullness at the proper time, through the blessing of God.
Marriage is a spiritual labour which is not free from trial, nor is it designed to eliminate struggle. Rather, it is a place where two people help each other carry their cross. Elder Aimilianos of Simonopetra taught that both monasticism and marriage are paths to holiness, shaped by the same call to obedience, humility, and love (Elder Aimilianos, The Way of the Spirit). Saint Paisios of Mount Athos said that a good marriage is not one without struggles, but one where husband and wife support one another in the face of them (Saint Paisios, Spiritual Counsels IV). Archbishop Makarios has taught that love is preserved through effort and not grand gestures, but daily acts of patience, small sacrifices, and quiet listening (Archbishop Makarios of Australia, Marriage: A Mystery of Love and Unity, 2022). Through this effort, the home becomes not only a living space, but a spiritual workshop, a place of transformation.
Many couples carry wounds from past relationships, childhood trauma, or personal struggles. The Orthodox Church recognises this. She welcomes those who are hurting. She offers healing through the sacraments, through pastoral care, and through the wisdom of the saints. Saint Porphyrios said, “Do not fight to expel the darkness. Open the window and let in the light” (Saint Porphyrios, Wounded by Love). The light of Christ enters a wounded marriage through repentance, mutual forgiveness, and the humble willingness to begin again. Christ came to heal the broken-hearted (Luke 4:18), and He continues to do so through the life of the Church. Holy Communion, Holy Confession, and the Anointing of the Sick are not only for the soul. They are for the healing of the whole person.
The late Archbishop Stylianos of Australia, a theologian and poet of great depth, consistently drew attention to the mystery of human personhood and the sacredness of loving communion. His pastoral vision was shaped by both theological clarity and poetic sensibility. He often reminded us that Christian marriage is not a concession to weakness, but a means of sanctification. In his words, “In the Orthodox Church, marriage is not a concession to human weakness, but a sanctified union of two persons called to become one in Christ. True unity arises when each partner sees the other as a gift from God, called to freedom and responsibility in love.” Healing offered in marriage is not about escaping pain, but about being transformed by grace in the midst of it.
Parents carry the sacred duty of being living icons of Christ. They teach their children through example. When children see their parents praying, confessing, fasting and forgiving, they learn that Christianity is not a set of rules, but a life of grace. Saint Theophan the Recluse wrote, “The soul of a child is tender and easily shaped. What is imprinted early remains forever” (Saint Theophan, The Path to Salvation). This does not require perfect parents. It requires faithful ones willing to admit their mistakes and to keep Christ at the centre of their home.
Not all are married. Some remain single. Others have experienced divorce or are married to non-Orthodox spouses. The Church walks with each person. She does not impose a one-size-fits-all solution. She listens and accompanies. She affirms that every soul can be sanctified. Saint Porphyrios reminds us, “Seek Christ, and everything else will be added to you” (Saint Porphyrios, Wounded by Love). For those who have experienced brokenness, the Church offers the possibility of healing. A second marriage may be permitted after repentance, and it is celebrated with a special rite. Those whose spouses are not Orthodox are invited to witness through quiet fidelity and prayer. Change may not happen quickly, but grace works in silence.
To rebuild the domestic Church is to take small but decisive steps. Establish a regular rhythm of prayer. Read the Gospel each day or each week as a family. Introduce the Psalms as food for the soul. Consider especially Psalm 1, Psalm 50, Psalm 91 and Psalm 127. Use the daily readings of the Church to shape family reflection. Read the lives of the saints with children. Create moments of silence. Prepare for Sunday Liturgy on Saturday night. Speak of the saints during meals. Fast together. Forgive before sleep.
Consider reading The Orthodox Way by Metropolitan Kallistos Ware as a family. Reflect on Family Life by Saint Paisios. Choose one saying of the Desert Fathers each week and discuss it together. Read a passage from The Prologue of Ohrid by Saint Nikolai Velimirovich. These small steps form the soil in which faith grows. Holiness is not reserved for monasteries. It is meant to be lived at home.
Hospitality also strengthens the domestic Church. Invite others into your home with warmth and simplicity. Share meals during the fasting seasons. Celebrate feast days with neighbours. Welcome the stranger. Saint Paul writes, “Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing so, some have entertained angels without knowing it” (Hebrews 13:2). The home that opens its doors to others becomes a place where the Kingdom of God is made visible.
Archbishop Makarios of Australia has said, “Our Christian home is not a retreat from the Church, but an extension of it. It is in the home that the liturgy of love continues” (Archbishop Makarios of Australia, The Calling of Love, 2021). This liturgy is expressed not through incense and chant alone, but through compassion, forgiveness, discipline and celebration. The little Church in the home is where the Gospel is practised. It is where the Church lives between Sundays. It is where Christ is encountered daily.
Households, whether large or small, broken or healing, joyful or struggling, can become dwelling places of God. In reclaiming the domestic Church, we reclaim the heart of Orthodox life bearing witness to the love of Christ not only in our churches, but in our homes.
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Fr Michael is a priest of the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of Australia. He has studied Information Technology, Modern Greek, and Theology at Flinders University. With a deep love for music, theology, and arts Fr Michael brings a dynamism to his ministry.
His 13 year ministry has included service in aged care, the youth, regional communities, and meeting the needs of busy Parishes with Presvytera Stavroula.
Fr Michael is also actively involved in Orthodox missionary outreach in the Pacific, particularly in Fiji. He has spent time in the region serving liturgy, engaging with local communities, and working towards the development of the mission.
He is currently serving at the Parish of St Dimitrios, Salisbury, in South Australia.
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