Love is patient and kind.
I Corinthians 13:4
The word “deficit” is often used in political and economic circles to describe the difference between income and expenses. A country, state, city, or family derives income. Each respective unit has expenses. When income exceeds expenses, we call that a surplus. However, when expenses exceed income, we call that gap or shortfall a deficit. We need more than we can pay for.
No two people are equal. The concept of equality is driven by political correctness, but it is a fallacy. Jesus says in Matthew 10:30, “Even the hairs of your head are all numbered.” But they are all numbered differently. In Matthew 25:14-15, Jesus begins the Parable of the Talents by saying “For it will be as when a man going on a journey called his servants and entrusted to them his property; to one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability.” Each of us has been entrusted with a different set of gifts. In Acts 11:29, in response to a great famine all over the world, we read the disciples determined, everyone according to his ability, to send relief to the brethren who lived in Judea. Each of us has a different set of opportunities. Each set of gifts and opportunities is unique to each person. For example, I am not the only resident of Tampa. I am not the only Orthodox priest in Tampa. And I am not the only lead pastor of a church in Tampa. But I am the only person who lives in Tampa and is the head priest of the Greek Orthodox Church in Tampa. There is no one else on earth who fits that description.
Now if no two people are equal, then there is going to be a deficit in every relationship, every marriage, every friendship, every professional relationship. Someone is going to be better, or faster, or more knowledgeable, more efficient, more assertive, more communicative, more trusting, more faithful, name any quality that exists between two people, and you will find a difference, a deficit. And this is why the first descriptive word St. Paul puts behind the word love is the word “patient.” Because patience is what allows us to deal with the deficits that exist between us.
Some people are long-winded. It takes them a lot of words to explain a concept. Others are more concise. So, when a long-winded person is working with a concise person, the concise person needs to be patient, as it will take the long-winded person longer to make his or her point. In a marriage, no two people are equally yoked when it comes to cooking. Someone will be better and faster. When the slower person takes a turn at cooking, the quicker person must be patient and resist the urge to complain “why is this taking longer?” Because the answer would be “because I’m not as good at this as you are.” If we want to afford a spouse some “equality” in terms of taking a turn at cooking, then there needs to be patience with the one who is not as good at it as the other.
There are things that each of us does well, and there are things that each of us struggles to do. If there was constant pressure that we must all be equal at everything, there would be constant frustration when someone is not as good at something as we are.
There are two words in the Bible that translate as “patient.” One is the word ipomoni which refers to being steadfast and waiting. The other is the word makrothimia which is translated as long-suffering. Makrothimia is the combination of two words, makros meaning long, and thimos meaning “passion” or “anger.” And literally makrothimia means being slow to anger, dealing with hardship without retaliation, and having enduring self-restraint, mercy and forgiveness. This word appears fourteen times in the New Testament, including in I Corinthians 13:4 and in Galatians 5:22 (The Fruit of the Spirit are mentioned in Galatians 5:22 and one of them is “patience” but appears as the word makrothimia.)
To be patient in a relationship does not mean occasional tolerance. It means long-term endurance, persistence, fortitude, understanding, and perseverance. But it also means to do these things with joy, not with anger or frustration.
The operative word in a relationship should be mutuality. For the mutual good of the marriage, friendship, professional relationship, etc. both people (or in a larger group, all the people) put in whatever they can for the mutual benefit of the whole. No one keeps score and says “I do so much of this and you do not do your share.” Everyone puts in what they can, realizing on a particular day, someone will do more than someone else. In the “equality” model of a relationship, the emphasis is on 50-50%, which of course does not exist. No two people are equal on anything. Maybe it’s 51-49, or 55-45, but not 50-50. In the mutuality model, it is 100-100%, each person putting in their best effort, and being patient when there is a deficit in ability or opportunity with the person/people with whom they are matched.
Lord, thank You for the many relationships I share with people. (list some of them) Each of these relationships has some gaps (list some of them). Please help me to be patient, and allow patience and mercy to fill the deficits in my relationships. Help others to be patient and merciful with me as well. Please help me to always remember that the first step in finding love is to be patient. Thank You for Your patience with me. Help me to be patient with others. Amen.
There will always be deficits between people, and the only way to fill the gap is with patience.
