Then I said to them, “You see the trouble we are in, how Jerusalem lies in ruins with its gates burned. Come, let us build the wall of Jerusalem, that we may no longer suffer disgrace.” And I told them of the hand of my God which had been upon me for good, and also of the words which the king had spoken to me. And they said, “Let us rise up and build.” So they strengthened their hands for the good work.
Nehemiah 2:17-18
In the last reflection, we mentioned the captivity of the children of Israel in Babylon. The book of Nehemiah recounts the return to Jerusalem, after the people had been gone for generations. The city is found in ruins. Nehemiah rallies the people. He doesn’t sugarcoat the situation: “You see the trouble we are in, how Jerusalem lies in ruins with its gates burned.” (Nehemiah 2:17) The first step in solving a problem is to diagnose it, and the first step in diagnosing a problem is to open up a dialogue about it. All too often (and I confess I’m guilty of this), we don’t deal with problems, we stonewall and wait, as if waiting will cause the problem to solve itself. And so we don’t confront spouses, children, friends and situations that are less than ideal, maybe because we lack the environment where it is safe and expected to be honest. Nehemiah opens the dialogue with the people.
Love requires action, and Nehemiah doesn’t just make an assessment of a problem but also calls the people to action. “Come, let us build the wall of Jerusalem, that we may no longer suffer disgrace.” (2:17) No one likes to think of themselves or their situation as disgraceful, that is not a nice word. What does this word really mean? Grace is a spiritual quality offered by the Holy Spirit—it heals what is infirm, it completes what is lacking, it fills in empty spaces, and it makes things that are ordinary extraordinary. Grace is a quality that we are to offer each other. The Holy Spirit resides in each of us, in our souls, so each of us has the ability to offer grace as well. We are able to bridge gaps between one another by offering grace. When we are not able to do that, THAT is disgraceful. Nehemiah looked at the ruins around him, in this case a ruined city (as opposed to ruined relationships), and wanted to mitigate this feeling of disgrace by doing something about it, rebuilding. Many times, we seem content to sit in disgraceful situations because we are afraid to do the work of rebuilding them. If love is patient, kind and optimistic, then when confronted with a “disgraceful” situation between two people, we should seek to rebuild with patience, kindness and optimism, so that grace is restored.
Nehemiah recounts in 2:18, And I told them of the hand of my God which was upon me for good. Nehemiah, in his own heart, and outwardly, to those to whom he was speaking, acknowledged that the hand of God was upon him. Whatever work he was proposing to do would be done under the umbrella of God. Oftentimes, we go into battle without putting on the armor of God. We go into confrontation and we forget to be still and pray before. We order our thoughts and do not consider God’s thoughts. It’s like we lay down bricks and forget to put mortar between them. The bricks are our own talents and efforts. The mortar, in this case, is the grace of God that connects, binds, and fills the empty spaces. It is what strengthens the entire structure of a relationship, of a life.
Nehemiah wasn’t content to see his city in ashes. He wanted to do something about that. So he rallied the people. And THEY said, “Let us rise up and build.” (2:18) A good leader is not a dictator but inspires people to collaborate with him. Nehemiah had the vision to rebuild the wall, but the people supported this vision with their commitment. So they strengthened their hands for the good work.
Sometimes a loving relationship struggles, even comes apart. The relationships that are worth fighting for are worth spending the time to rebuild. We would be well-served to follow the playbook used by Nehemiah. First, an honest assessment of a problem arrived at by a willingness to open a dialogue. Second, to move beyond dialogue with a plan for action. Third, a buy-in from all parties that it is necessary to arise and build. Fourth, a commitment to lead with love, patience, kindness and optimism. And fifth, ALL of these steps are taken under the umbrella of God.
Love is a choice. And we can choose to love in situations that are ugly. We can choose to love people who seem to be unlovable. And we can choose to love even when we’ve been wronged. Every relationship, even the strongest ones, will go through phases where it is necessary to arise and (re)build. The worthwhile relationships, the ones worth fighting for, the ones we want to go the distance, these are the ones that we want especially under the umbrella of God, where we ask for His grace to strengthen our hearts and our hands for the good work of repair, so that a relationship can thrive once again.
Lord, help me to put everything under the umbrella of love, how You have taught us to love. Help me to be more patient, kind and optimistic. Help me to create environments where people can feel safe to be honest, and help those in my life to offer the same to me. When there is a need to rebuild, give me to strength to arise and build, and give me the discernment to open the dialogue that allows rebuilding to happen when it is necessary. (Mention the names of anyone you have a challenging relationship with right now) Be with me in these relationships, guide my words, guide my steps, and guide us to rebuild in a way that brings us closer together and gives glory to You. Amen.
Love requires action, and sometimes it requires some rebuilding. Don’t be content to sit in disgrace. Arise and build and strengthen your hands and your heart by always clinging to God and letting Godly love lead the way.
